In a season where things are changing and stirring within my heart, material things have been tangible catalysts for grounding my anxiety.
This is slightly problematic because all of those material things have been new ones that I’ve bought. It isn’t even that I don’t have the money for them; I don’t have the money for them (if you get my drift).
I’m having to learn the value of stewarding my money well. In the past, I’ve wanted to be this big-shot blogger who is in with all of the cool brands, going on all the sweet free or paid trips, and is speaking at big events.
That will be great one day, but right now, I am a college student struggling to keep herself on the rails financially because the government ain’t getting a damn cent of her soul to pay for school. Within that reality, all of my blog dreams have slipped off into the background as I try to make sure my bank account can cover my tuition payments, my upcoming personal loan payments for my car wreck a year ago, my grades stay up, and that I drink enough water to balance out my obsessive coffee habits.
Oh, yeah. I can’t buy any more lattes…
What is my point here? No amount of material goods is going to catapult you to stardom, to a relationship, to a promotion, to happiness. I really think you need to remember that because maybe, like me, you are easily enchanted by the colors and shiny glint of newness. Yet, here’s the crazy thing; you often get more of a thrill searching for something and the anticipation of maybe having it or waiting on it to arrive than you do when it actually comes.
Amazon Prime, anyone?
You wear the new shoes for a couple of days, the brightly colored logo not catching anyone’s eyes. You point them out to people. You hope the photo gets more likes, gets noticed by the brands you’ve tagged. Gets you IN.
Well, IN where exactly?
We don’t need the approval of people to be okay. As an Enneagram 2 and self-diagnosed people-pleasing aficionado, this is a challenging concept for me to grasp. I desperately want people to like me. But my gosh, is it exhausting. Like, “I can no longer hold the weight of the expectations I think people have for me” exhausting.
LISTEN. You are a substance so much more brilliant than what you see. Try to start catching glimpses of it when you pass the reflections of glass storefronts as you walk through the city streets. Notice it in your giggles when your spirit soars around friends. Please pay attention to the swell in your soul when you talk about your passions.
You are MORE.
No material moreness will satisfy us. We have all of the satisfaction we need right in front of us. Look at your life and be grateful for everything you see. Be grateful for what you don’t see. It is all worth it.
*originally published on hertwocents.com on September 15, 2020